Saying "I Love You" - English Conversation
Saying "I Love You" - English Conversation
Sep 11, 2013
What’s the best way to tell someone that you love them?
This is a question we ask at least one time during a batch at Venture English Institute. We always get a handful of interesting answers. Some people immediately think of their mom or dad and how they might tell them that they love them. Others think of a girlfriend or boyfriend or a husband or a wife. Some of the answers range from the simple, “I would just tell them that I love them.” To a more thoughtful, “I would buy them flowers and some chocolate.” And we even have students say things like, “I would do something for them like make them a nice meal or a cup of tea.”
We can see even from these three types of answers that people express love in different ways and surprisingly, people receive love in different ways as well. Dr. Gary Chapman has written a beautiful book, called “The 5 Love Languages” about the way people give and receive love. Below is a breakdown of the 5 love languages. As you read about them try to decide which one you speak:
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. And it's not just words that are important but the way in which you say it is as equally important. Words of encouragement compliments and lots of kindness are key for a person who speaks this love language.
Quality Time
In the language of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, the cellphone in the other room, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. What is key here is that you give people your undivided attention. This means keeping eye contact and not doing other things while talking. It does mean going for walks and talking over coffee or chai.
Gifts
This love language doesn't make someone materialistic; the person who speaks the love language of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. In order to show these types of people that we love them we need to give them visual, physical symbols of our love.
Acts of Service
Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. So, humble yourself and do some dishes, cook some meals, clean the house, take out the garbage, do errands, and some laundry. The rewards will be well worth your investment.
Physical Touch
A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. So, touch a lot and never use force. And if you're married, let your touches lead you to the bedroom.
So, what love language do you speak? How do you know (take the free evaluation here)? What are some creative ways you can tell your mom, dad, husband or wife that you love them. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below: